Sunday, April 19, 2009

Accidents in the Home

We all have them. But some days are special.

Incident 1

  1. Toast for breakfast. Inhale instead of swallowing and commence choking.
  2. Dive to kitchen sink in search of water, bang head off open cupboard door.
  3. Concerned Canine Companion #1 lunges to my rescue. Still choking
  4. Step back and only to find CCC# has taken a backup position (right behind me).
  5. Still choking, drop glass of water and fall on ass.
  6. CCC#3 licks face with much compassion, while still choking.
  7. Hysterical laughter clears breadcrumbs from airway.

Incident 2

  1. Can't be ar**ed chopping onions so invent new recipe for not bland salmon - wrap it in smoked bacon, slop in a load of olive oil and basil and bake at 200. Use pyrex casserole dish.
  2. Caution: it is not advisable to use an oven when the door is broken
  3. Caution: it is not advisable to open an oven with a broken door unless you have at least 3 hands
  4. Caution: oven gloves are a bit too thick to pick up glass or glass-like containers that don't have serious handles on them
  5. Caution: if you use a lot of olive oil then it won't all be absorbed in the cooking, some of it will float about the pyrex casserole dish and just boil.
  6. Caution: when there is an interesting smell coming out of the oven with the broken door, don't let the Concerned Canine Companion team into the kitchen. They will just want to help.
  7. Result: Open oven door which then closes rapidly of its own volition. Lose grip on casserole dish, which drops and splits in half. Olive oil spatters oven, floor and legs (ouch!). Rapid retreat, skidding on olive oil. CCC team lunges to the rescue, human lands on ass (again).

What remained of the salmon and bacon was actually quite good....dogs had a rather special dinner too.

Incident 3

  1. When attaching a hose to one of those high powered cleaning devices, be sure it really is attached before switching on the device
  2. The nozzle really should be facing away from you
  3. It should also be facing away from anything that is not nailed down. This includes nice blue ceramic flowerpots
  4. Concerned Canine Companion team should not be permitted to wade through ensuing mess and greet next door neighbour in the pristine white T-shirt.

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